How Many Calories?

It's that time again. I could tell without even looking in the mirror. I need to go on a diet. I am not a sensible dieter. I prefer the fads. You lose weight on the fad diets. Nothing but brown rice and seaweed paper for a month and you too can be thin! I know all the diet do's and dont's. Drink lots of water. Exercise. Eat half a portion size. No potatoes, no sugar, no fat. So what the hell. I am not eating anything anyway why not eat grapefruit for 2 weeks? I like grapefruit. I did the cabbage soup diet, the unrefined apple juice diet, the salad diet, the supermodel diet (coffee, gum and fingernails) and the pork rinds diet. My friend did the pork rinds thing not me. I have to gear up. I have to talk myself into a diet and then I can actually be on the diet for 4-6 days tops. It's the same 15 pounds I lose and gain every three years.