A Hug was Enough

Today I was at Wal-Mart shopping for several families who have at least one child enrolled in our after school programs. I ran into a friend who, in 21 years of living in St. Louis, I have never run into while out and about. We engaged in the usual small talk and when I asked how he was, tears filled his eyes and he said that he buried his son yesterday. He started to cry. I felt so very sad to be there, to look into his eyes and watch his heart break. I did not want to say any of the usual things that don't matter when you hurt, so I hugged him. Our relationship has never included hugs because it is a professional one. But when he shared that bit of himself with me, I took a risk and hugged him. He looked so vulnerable and hurt. He changed the subject and we chatted more about nothing. Whatever we said didn't matter because so much had been said in so few words. Eventually, the subject came back to his son. I never asked what happened or for any of the details. None of that mattered. What mattered was that he will never have his son home for Christmas again. He will never get to grouse again that his son drove the family car for the day and returned it on "E." It was a goodbye he wasn't prepared to say. I am glad I didn't say much. I will write him a letter in a week or so and express my care and sympathy and gratitude for the coincidence that I saw him at the Wal-Mart.